Hi everyone, I have been gone for awhile. So much has happened. My husband died 4/3/12. We were separated, but we spoke every day. There are no guidelines for the death of a spouse. Then I got sick and decided to retire from my position at UNK. I moved back to Denver to be close to my mom and my grandbabies, Emma and Evan, in September 2012. That’s a lot of changes in a very short time.
While I have taken time off to heal, I’m ready to get back to my research and blogging on dating online and cybersex. It took awhile for me to start dating, but I’m getting into it. And since I know about online dating, I’m going to share some things I have learned with you.
Once question I am always asked is “how do I know if the person I am meeting online is telling the truth?” Well, my answer is, how do we know if our potential date, whether we meet them face to face or online, is ever telling the truth? You have to be very careful.
If you go back to my research on sexting and infidelity in cyberspace, we know that many people are looking for someone else online. According tomy sample of 8,000 people who responded to my survey on the Ashley Madison website, they are all looking for someone outside of their primary relationship. So with that in mind, you have to be careful. Some other widows told me about a website called militarycupid.com. I checked it out for a very short time and found it was full of scammers. The men were from another country, rather than where they said they were from. It’s easy to tell that they are not from the US, if you read their writing. They are typically terrible at grammar. If they say they are from State College, PA, but I ask them questions about the issues at that University, they tend to not know the answers. That is a hint. And they want money. Never give money. EVER!! So be careful.
The next thing I suggest, if you are interested in dating online, is to decide what is important to you. Make a list. For instance, at the top of my list is a non-smoker. I don’t smoke and can’t stand the smell, so I’m not going out with someone who does or “is trying to quit”.
Do you want kids? Are you willing to date someone who is still raising kids? Not me. I’m done. I’m also surprised at the number of men in their 50’s who are raising kids and want someone to help with that. Decide ahead of time what you are willing to put up with. Remember, if you take on someone else’s kids, you need to also be willing to deal with an ex, which isn’t always fun.
There are lots of singles out there looking for a “generous” partner. That means they are broke and need someone to take care of them. I can’t see that ending well. I clearly state that I don’t need someone to buy my dinner, but I don’t want to have to buy someone else’s. I am retired now and want to travel and do the things that I now have time to do. I want someone I date to not only, want to do those things, but able to financially do those things.
If I think I might be interested in someone who has contacted me, I want to talk by phone pretty early. If they aren’t willing to talk, or only talk at certain times, I know they are attached to someone else and I’m done. Sometimes I talk to them and find out they have a laundry list of medical problems. Call me shallow, but I’m not willing someone’s caregiver right off the bat. If I do connect with a phone call, then I’m willing to meet in a public place. Usually I can weed them out then. I was asked to go to dinner with one man, but wanted to meet him at the mall first. After listening to him tell me he hasn’t paid taxes for years and the mother of his children, who he was still living with, wasn’t going to get anything from him, I was out of there. No dinner. Nothing!
One thing you must be prepared for is many are just interested in sex. That’s fine if that’s what you are interested in. But if you want something more, be prepared and know how you are going to handle the sex question. I went to lunch with a man one day. I told him I wasn’t jumping into bed with him. He said he didn’t want to work that hard to get laid. Nice,huh? I just didn’t think the Chinese lunch special was a good trade for my body.
The bottom line is that you might have to kiss a lot of frogs to fid your prince/princess.
Have you had experiences you want to share? Do you have questions? Don’t hesitate to ask. Email Diane Kholos Wysocki.